Public policy, social issues, gender politics, religion, civitas, and other taboo topics fall under the hammer of Shava's iconoclasmic force of natural philosophy.
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Thoughts about posting "Just shoot him!"
Friday, March 14, 2003
12:35 AM
Someone reading a humor piece where I advocate shooting men who leave their wives and kids might think I was some kind of fringe radical feminist yahoo who hated men. Or at least, some fed-up old prune who had given up on them.
Mind you, I am not against men. In fact, I rather like rubbing up against one now and again, and it's been a long drought... Most of the real friends I've had in my life have been men. I find men more honest and reliable (at the same time) than women, in general.
Women are very good at finding reasons to cut you, and they are much more competitive with other women -- which, alas, they identify me as freely. And I am not a woman who respects, blindly, the feminine institutions. I have a pretty face and good skin, so when I am not trying to broadcast "trust signals" to a corporate sort or I am not playing with image (going out and being a chameleon at some music club), I won't wear makeup. I don't think about clothes the way most women do, because I see clothes as a symbolic vocabulary. I clean up well, but none of these things matter to me *existentially*.
This makes me a pariah to much of female company, even at 44... The stylish ones can't believe I don't take it seriously, and the geeky ones can't believe I'd cave into the patriarchal or uncomfortable mainstream. So with so many women, I am doomed.
Most men, I explain this and they say, "Well, ok. Cool." Regardless of their opinion of fashion.
So, to me, men seem to have, if not more *sense*, at least more ability to let me be who I am, so long as I don't ask much.
So I am not against men at all. I like men.
I am against faithless men. I am not jealous, and I am not particularly monogamous by nature, but I do abide by the covenants of a relationship, and I am fiercely loyal. And beyond all rational likelihood, my last two husbands have left me for:
younger women
named Melissa
from North Carolina (tho one was *living* in Portland at the time)
called "Missy" as children
magnolias
predatory
My life is, in fact, stranger than fiction. Shortly after we moved to Portland from Eugene (so visitation could be even slightly sane), we were at a potluck. Joseph had found a woman who really new how to deal with smart kids on a respectful, fun, and engaging level. After a bit, he asked her, "What's your name, anyway?" She said, "My name is Melissa."
Joseph was sitting back-to-back with me on a bench. I could feel him slump. He apologized, "I'm sorry, I don't think I can be friends with you. My mother has bad luck with Melissas."
I grew up in a culture where the woman should be ashamed to be left on her own with the children, regardless of the blame. It's sometimes very hard for me. But I am determined that the next committed relationship I get into -- if ever -- will be with a man who understands loyalty.
Unfortunately, in addition, he has to be able to put up with me, and have a very high level of ch'i, brilliant, socially conscious, liberal but not empty headed, spiritual and mystical but not new agey, non-puritanical, intellectual, internationally minded, and be single and within a decade-ish in age. But alas, I think I am looking to find a chimera.
I suspect advocating shooting the guy who's going to leave me doesn't increase my prospects. But, I am a slave to the muse...;)
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